US Gov Bans Easter Eggs

Deemed potential danger to national security.

Millions of Americans never expected to hear this type of news on Easter Sunday. Yet, at a press conference early this morning, Secretary of State Condoliza Rice revealed a new "Potentially catastrophic" threat to the American People.

It seems that the cute little multi-colored eggs of our youth have been infiltrated by Al-Qaeda, with help from the Easter Bunny him(or her) self. "Our wiretapping programs have paid off", says President George W. Bush about uncovering the threat, "The Easter Bunny was either with us or against us - and he chose against us".

The controversial (Patriot Act) wiretapping program uncovered terrorist plans to put explosive devices inside these small multi-colored packages in an attempt to "Strike fear into the hearts of Americans" says a senior NSA official.

Early diagnostic efforts have placed the bombs construction' in Iran, with possible help from the Revolutionary Guard. A plant near Tehran, tentatively labeled site 5022, was identified as the most probable manufacturing area. The Iranian government has yet to issue a long official response, but, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was overheard retorting "Damn the American Infidels and curse their goats" - and as usual denying the holocaust.

As for the Easter Bunny, the NSA does not believe he placed the eggs in millions of houses in America by himself. It is believed that his proxies have infiltrated many families, neighborhoods and communities around the country. "Times like these no one is above investigation" says the President Bush. Bush, after seeing bright green eggs on the White House lawn, immediately quarantined many members of his immediate family. "The threat" he says, "is everywhere".

This reporter's efforts to obtain access to the reports that lead to the current Administrations conclusion about the threat were met with stern rebuttal. "Why do you hate America?" fired back a senior State Department official. When this reporter protested, he was met with a brick wall of logic: "Then, why do you love terrorists?"

Faced with this level of argumentation, our news agency has abandoned efforts to read the documents for now.